We no Longer Love with the Hearts of Children
by Antiqu1ty
Summary: Not your everyday love story, but a love story all the same. Rated MA for some pretty graphic and violent scenes.
1. Chapter 1

The sun was beginning to set and the wind was picking up, stinging my skin like the tips of a thousand needles. My journey had been a long one and usually at this time I would be holed up under layers of elk skin blankets next to a fire, waiting out the night and praying to the gods that I wouldn't freeze to death. But I was so close to Kattegat that I could see the smoke from the hearthfires rising in the distance, the smell of roasting meat reached my nostrils mingling with the scent of a coming snowstorm. I was spurred on more so by the dark clouds that had been gathering for the past few hours, hovering threateningly low, with the promise of Thor's wrath ringing out in the distance. Besides, I hadn't seen my home in a very long time and I never realized just how much I'd missed it until now. I was flooded with memories as I walked towards the Earl's longhouse. The memories were so strong and vivid, it was a struggle to push them aside and concentrate on my destination. Stopping just outside of the closed door, I listened to the dozens of voices coming from the other side. I placed my hand on the cold wood and closed my eyes. I felt the warmth from the room rush up my arm and through my body. There were many familiar souls and several strange ones to shuffle through. It didn't take long for me to find Ragnar, his misery called out to me like the long lost friend that I was. I quietly opened the door and slipped inside, unnoticed by the people eating and drinking around the giant hearth in the middle of the room. Most of them looked up as I removed my hood and unfastened my long robe. Only a select few froze, stopped talking mid sentence, stopped eating mid bite, all childhood friends that I'd grown up hating and fighting and loving. I looked upon their faces as recognition faded to shock before being replaced by warm smiles.

"Ylva." Ragnar's voice rang out, breaking the silence. His footsteps echoed on the stone floor as he crossed the room in just a few long strides. Holding his arms up, he cupped my face in his palms and I nearly staggered under the emotions that I felt surging through me. His sadness was nearly impenetrable, betrayal gripped his heart so tightly every beat was a struggle.

"Ragnar, my friend. How good it is to see you." I felt the smile spread from my eyes down to my lips as I gently took his face in my hands.

"Have you come back to us my wandering little wolf?" His eyes seemed to pierce my soul and I could feel the emotions raging within him as they mingled with my own storm of emotions, happiness, anticipation, hope, relief, love, but none of them could hold a candle to the hurt he felt over his brothers betrayal.

"For now." I said as someone cleared their throat, breaking the spell that gripped our hearts and prevented us from realizing that there were other people in the room. Within the flicker of an eye we were brought back to reality.

"Slaughter the fattest goat and bring our best wine. Tonight, we celebrate." He placed a kiss on my forehead before pulling me in for an embrace.

"Where is he Ragnar?" I whispered. His whole body went rigid as he held me in place. He knew who I meant and I could feel his hesitation.

"Are you so eager to see him?" His voice was strained and I decided not to press the issue.

"No, it can wait." He gave me a quick squeeze of gratitude before tucking me under his arm and leading me towards a beautiful, elegant looking woman.

"This is my wife…"

"Aslaug the Volva, daughter of Brynhildr. It is a pleasure my lady." I bowed deeply and Ragnar threw his head back and laughed.

"You have been gone for far too long, there is no need for such pleasantries here." Aslaug silenced him with a look before smiling at me as she took my outstretched hand.

"It is nice to meet someone who recognizes those pleasantries sometimes, my dear." I felt nothing when her skin touched mine, but that didn't surprise me. The Volur are known for masking their emotions well.

"You'll have to tell me one day, how you managed snare this one from underneath my sister's nose." Her hand stiffened before she withdrew it.

So, you are Ylva, the wandering she-wolf." Her smile was strained and I could tell she had been caught off guard. I couldn't blame her, Lagertha and I shared a mother but had different fathers and it was evident in our lack of sibling resemblance.

"In the flesh." I said, smiling a little too widely.

"I have heard many stories about you. Maybe we will see your other form of flesh before you leave." It was my turn to stiffen and Ragnar tighten his grip on my shoulder as I moved to step forward.

"Maybe you will" The smile didn't leave my face as I spoke through my teeth.

"Let's hope we're not treated to that show this time around." He said with a nervous laugh before leading me away. I glanced over my shoulder and she smiled before raising her drink, giving me a small nod.

"Well, that was fun." The rush of anger was already beginning to subside.

"You still have a temper I see." Ragnar handed me a horn full of wine and tried to hide his smile.

"I will always have a temper, I am however, much better at controlling it now. As you just witnessed." I took a drink as Torstein, Ulf, and Ulric came to greet me. It was a warm greeting but short and sweet as they were in a hurry to get back to the woman they were entertaining now in hopes of getting some nightly entertainment later. I scanned the crowd until Ragnar nudged me, nodding towards the far corner where Floki stood, arms crossed, sullen look on his face.

"Hello Floki." He turned his head and ignored me when I walked up to him. "Don't do that, Floki. I wanted to say goodbye all those years ago, you know. I just couldn't."

"You left me, you left us. With no word of goodbye, and no word since. Not one word to say you were okay. To say you were still alive." His eyes looked into mine for a split second before darting around the room.

"I know Floki. I'm sorry. I had so much to deal with, so much to learn. You would've all been in danger if I'd stayed. If I'd said goodbye, you would've followed me. You and Ragnar." I placed my hands on his arms and saw him relax, his internal mental torment eased for the moment.

"And Rollo." He added.

"No, not Rollo. He never cared that much. You know he would've stayed here, with Lagertha" I said with a laugh.

"No, Ylva. He cared. We all did. We all missed you." Floki's transparency made me smile and made my heart ache.

"Well, I'm here for now, Floki and I promise to say goodbye when I decide to leave again." He smiled and just like that, all was forgotten.

"There's someone I want you to meet." He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a table. I sat down next to him and he introduced the girl sitting on his left as "My Helga". We sat there for most of the night, eating and drinking and laughing. It had been so long since I'd felt this free and relaxed. I wanted it to last forever.

Floki was in the middle of telling a story about one of our childhood antics, to Helga's delight. He lit up when she laughed and I could feel the bond connecting them as if it were a tangible thing.

"So Ylva had Ragnar scoop up a big steaming pile of goat dung and place it into a bit of linen. Then she lit a stick and they crept ever so quietly up to old man Erikur's hut. Ragnar placed the dung in front of the entrance to his hut and Ylva lit the linen with the stick. "Fire, Fire" They screamed, banging on the side of the hut as they ran towards the bushes where I was hiding. We watched as old Erikur pulled back the flap and saw the small fire. He stomped up and down on it with both feet and when the smell of the goat dung drifted up to his nose… he hooowwwwllledd with anger. 'You little bastards.' He yelled at us as we ran away into the woods." Floki and Helga laughed and laughed. I laughed as well, even though it was the third time he'd told the story. It was getting late and the wind was howling and lashing at the walls of the lodge. The room was thinning out as everyone paired up and left to pursue nightly ventures. I looked up to where Ragnar sat. Aslaug was just gathering up the children for bed and he hugged and kissed each one before she took them away. He watched them go then sank back in his chair and smiled at me. I nodded and waved before getting up and fastening my cloak around my neck. I paused in front of the door to pull the hood over my head before braving the lashing winds outside. Just as my fingers closed over the handle a large, calloused hand reached over my shoulder and held the door shut.

"I'm going to see him Ragnar." I said, turning around and leaning my back against the solid wood with my arms folded in front of me.

"I know. I'll take you to him." He gave a wicked grin before ushering me outside. That should have been my first indication that something wasn't quite right.

I laid in bed later that night, staring up at the ceiling with silent tears streaming down my face. Rollo had been so drunk that he couldn't even stand up. I doubt he even recognized me, and I knew my anger was wasted on him in that state. Ragnar had refused to enter the house, but waited patiently for me outside in the storm. He didn't have to wait long. I took one look at Rollo, rolling around in a puddle of his own vomit and was nearly sick myself.

"Don't judge him so harshly Ylva, he is harsh enough on himself." Siggy placed a hand on my arm as I turned to leave.

"He should be harsher still." I jerked away and walked out into the storm, leaving my cloak behind in my haste. I stalked past Ragnar and towards the longhouse without a pause. The main room was empty by the time we got back. I headed straight to the fire which was still burning, albeit low, but warm enough to thaw out my frozen finger tips.

"You left your cloak." Ragnar said, sitting beside me and draping his heavy winter coat over my shoulders.

"What was he thinking Ragnar? How could he? You're his brother. Lagertha and I have our differences, but I'd never...she'd never…"

"Those are the questions that haunt me night after night, Ylva. What was he thinking? How could he do this to me? To me?" His voice broke and I looked over at him. I didn't need my gifts to know what he was feeling. It was written all over his face and in his defeated posture. He showed the people what they needed to see, a strong and capable leader and he was those things. But this was the part of himself he kept hidden away, the part that was only for him to see.

"How my heart aches for you Ragnar. If I could take this pain from you into myself, I would in a heartbeat." I knelt on the floor in front of him, placed my hands on his knees and looked up into tear filled eyes.

"My heart is so heavy my little wolf. Sometimes I feel as if I can't bare the weight of it all." He rested his hands lightly on my shoulders and I took his face between my palms once again. This time we really were alone in the room, there was no one to break the spell that wove itself around us.

"This grief will ease in time. One day, Rollo will prove himself to you once again and all will be forgiven, not forgotten, but forgiven. You know it's true" I held his gaze and he smiled.

"That isn't my only burden." His hands moved up from my shoulders as he entwined his fingers in my hair.

"One burden at a time, my friend." I reached up to remove his hands, but he held my head steady in his strong grip.

"Sixteen years is a long time, we are no longer children. Time has changed me, it's changed you. I can see it clearly." His eyes captivated me, the flames danced in their blue depths as he pulled me slowly to him.

"Wait." I said, gaining my senses. Our lips were so close his breath mingled with mine. "I have only just returned Ragnar, let's not complicate things. We might have changed, but our situation remains the same." His grip on me hadn't loosened, if anything it tightened as I tried to pull away.

"If you wanted to run from me, Ylva, you wouldn't have come back." All I could see was his eyes and they lit up when he smiled.

"You might not be married to her anymore, Ragnar, but my sister will always love you." I tried once again to pry his fingers from my hair but my hands froze as I saw the light drain from his eyes.

"And will you always love my brother?" His expression was dangerous, impassive with the hint of a smile.

"I haven't loved him in a long time." At least, I hadn't thought about loving him in a long time.

"Ragnar" Aslaug's voice echoed in the quiet room. We turned our heads, but neither one of us moved back an inch. For a moment I saw us through her eyes. Ragnar sitting on the stone bench with me kneeling in front of him, nestled between his legs. His hands ensnared in my hair, holding my face merely inches from his. "Come to bed my love." She waited for him in the doorway.

"I'll be there shortly." He said in way of dismissal. She hesitated, but finally walked away.

"Plus there's the fact that you're married, again." I added as an afterthought.

"When has marriage ever stopped you?" He didn't even try to avoid the slap I aimed at his head.

"Fuck you Ragnar, Earl of Kattegat." The words came out as an insult. "Go to bed with your wife, where you belong" I called over my shoulder.

"Have fun keeping yourself warm during the night." He laughed as I walked away. I slammed the door to the guest room so loudly that a baby started crying into the darkness. Maybe coming back here was a mistake. Rollo was nearly unrecognisable in his current condition and Ragnar's feelings for me have not diminished over the years, if anything, they have grown. But he was right, things are different now. He seemed to be under the impression that it would be easier. I however, knew things would be a lot more complicated. We no longer love with the hearts of children.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter revised to clarify time jumps for easier reading - as suggested! :)**

I used to split my time between sick beds and the stables when I was a girl. Both people and animals found my touch soothing and calming when they were unwell. I was in the stable that night, calming a mare that was getting ready to foal. I didn't feel much like celebrating any longer. I had attended the wedding ceremony last night, as was expected of me. But I wasn't going to walk around like it was joyous event. People around here had very few reasons to celebrate, so weddings were a week long affair. I planned to spend most of that time here, getting to know the newest addition to the stable.

"I thought she would foal tonight." His deep rich voice made me jump.

"A few hours to go yet." I said flatly.

"I'm sorry Ylva" His steps were muffled by the straw floor.

"For what, Rollo? Not loving me? Breaking my heart? Or taking my virginity the night before your wedding was announced?" I rounded on him at this point and began advancing. He didn't budge an inch, just leaned against the wall and waited.

"I do love you Ylva." He reached for me and I jerked away.

"Not like you love your wife. Not like you've loved Lagertha for as long as any of us can remember. You can't love me in the same way you love them because you only see me as a child." I glared at the smile that spread across his face.

"How can I think of you as a child, little wolf? When it was me that made you a woman." Ragnar was the only one of us to ever call me by my name sake, but the way Rollo said it made a chill run up my spin. He sensed my hesitation and saw his opportunity.

"No, Rollo." I said, pushing against him was a losing battle as he pulled me to his chest.

"Why are you fighting me?" His voice was low and deep and rich, it wrapped around me like a warm winter cloak. I was young, naive, curious, and I'd loved him since I was a little girl. I turned my head away when he bent down to kiss me. The gesture exposed my neck and I gasped when he bit down on the soft flesh.

"Please." I said breathlessly as he moved up to my ear. I was as malleable as clay in his hands and he knew it. He ignored my pleas, instead taking my earlobe between his teeth. When he ran his tongue around the outer edge I couldn't help the shivers that ran up and down my spine. I felt his lips widen into a smile.

"You want me Ylva, and I want you." Hands trailed down my back to grasp my bum, he pulled me closer so I could feel his arousal and it did exactly what he wanted it to do. It filled me with longing, a dull ache began to spread across my lower abdomen.

"Why are you doing this?" I tilted my head back and looked up at him. He leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"Because you want me to." And he was right. Even though I knew I'd hate myself later. Even though his marriage was less than two days old.

"I do want you Rollo. I'll always want." I kissed him then, eagerly, almost violently. He growled low in his throat before laying me down on a pile of straw. Within seconds he was inside me, pumping in and out. I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him closer as I moaned, withered, and panted beneath him. That encouraged him to increase the pace, and a tingling sensation began to spread throughout my groin. I grasped onto his shoulders and called out his name as I felt the tension explode between my legs. With a grunt he released himself into me, rolling to the side before looking over my shoulder with a smirk on his face.

"Ylva?" A voice sounded from the doorway.

"Ragnar" I jumped up, scanning the floor for my dress. It took me a moment to realize that Rollo was chuckling as he raised up onto his elbow, still naked and unashamed.

"Ylva?" Ragnar repeated a bit more forcefully. His hurt and disappointment made the air so thick, I could hardly breath.

"Hello, brother." Rollo's voice had an edge to it as he stepped into his pants.

"Your wife is looking for you, shall I tell her where to find you, brother?" Ragnar's mouth twitched with the hint of a smile.

"Do what you like, it won't change a thing" Rollo widened his stance.

"Her heart is not a plaything. She is not your toy." Ragnar looked as if he were ready to charge at any moment.

"What if she wants to be brother? I coaxed her, yes, but I didn't force her. She was begging me for it Ragnar, how could I refuse her? Would you?" Rollo grinned as Ragnar advanced towards him.

I was struggling to catch my breath, the room was zooming in and out of focus. Sweat rolled down my face in rivulets.

"Ylva?" Rollo walked towards me, grasping my arms. Ragnar stopped in his tracks. "Are you alright?" The concern in his voice did little to calm the rapid beating of my heart. I pushed Rollo away from me and froze when he went flying into the side of the stable.

"Ragnar, what's happening?" I turned to my best friend, the only person I could fully trust.

"I don't know Ylva." He took a step towards me.

"No." I yelled. "Stay away." I felt like my skin was melting off. The pain was so great, I thought I would die from it. Then all of a sudden it was gone and I was looking at the world from a different point of view, through different eyes and on four feet instead of two.

* * *

I was startled to find two pale blue eyes staring at me when I woke up. I smiled, marveling at the resemblance, it was like looking back in time at a young Ragnar.

"Good morning Ubbe. Didn't your father teach you not to sneak into a lady's bedchamber?" I reached out to ruffle his hair and he backed up towards the door, running into a pair legs as Ragnar turned the corner.

"Actually, I've told him to do it as often as he can." He picked Ubbe up and threw him over his shoulder. The child squealed in delight as Ragnar tickled him before swatting him on the bum and sending him running off down the hallway.

"You have handsome boys, maybe one day I'll met your eldest." I turned onto my side and rested my head in my hand. The morning sun was shining through the window, lighting up even the darkest corners of the room.

"You should have come back sooner." He sat in the chair beside the bed and leaned back, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"I should have." I agreed with a sigh as I rolled onto my back.

"Why didn't you? You could have met Bjorn long ago, and Gyda before she was taken from us. Did you not hear of that during your wanderings?" He rested his chin on the tips of his fingers and looked at me intently. There was a hint of accusation in his voice.

"I wanted to come home sooner, but I couldn't." I sat up and leaned my back against the cold stone wall.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" He pulled his legs in and rested his elbows on his knees.

"It's complicated."

"There's that word again. Tell me, Ylva, do you think I'm so daft that I can't understand complicated situations?" I turned my head to look at the opposite wall.

"I couldn't Ragnar. Just leave it." The chair creaked as he rose. He stood over me, taking my chin in his hand and tilting my face upward.

"Once, we told each other everything." His piercing gaze made my stomach flutter.

"I will tell you this as well, in my own time, not yours."

"That's all I ask." He stroked the side of my face with the back of his hand before letting his eyes wander down to the thin sheet that covered me.

"Is it?" I crossed my arms over my chest and he withdrew his hand.

"I would never ask anything of you that you wouldn't give willingly, Ylva." He turned to leave, closing the door quietly behind him. I let my head fall onto my knees and took deep breaths. I didn't feel anything when he touched me and I was glad he had chosen to hide his emotions from me. That way I can be sure that what I'm feeling is really coming from within my own heart. I've never allowed myself to explore my feelings towards Ragnar because of my sister's feelings for him. Plus, it was easier for me to continue things with Rollo. I knew what to expect from him and when I finally decided to leave, it was easy walking away. Ragnar would not have let me go so easily had I been sharing his bed. He deserved more than what my fickle heart could offer him. He deserved to settle down and have children,a home, a wife who loved only him, everything he ever wanted. I could give him none of those things. But now that he had his sons and another wife that wasn't my sister, he also had my attention.

* * *

The wind coming off the sea still held a bit of winter iciness. The people lining up to bid the warriors goodbye were wrapped in heavy woollen cloaks. Slaves, free people,all of the women and children, old men, even Rollo had sobered up enough to stand off to the side, by himself. Ragnar bid Aslaug and his children goodbye at the edge of the village before walking towards me.

"Have you come to a decision." He threw his arm around my shoulder and lead me towards his ship.

"My feelings are unchanged. Rollo is back in your good graces, but only just and slighting Borg was a poor decision." I said loudly, making sure I was heard as we passed Horik's ship.

"Horik would say this is men's business." His playful smile did little to ease the tension I felt.

"He will retaliate Ragnar, I don't know when or where, but he will. He's not the kind of man to take a slight insult lying down. This, was an enormous insult" I wrapped my arm around his waist as he tossed his pack onboard.

"You're right, and I know I need someone here I can trust. But I'm selfish and still wish you would come with me." I looked up to see Aslaug staring at us.

"You only wish to be with me alone, without your wife around every corner. Do you think my defenses will be so easily thwarted once we are away from her prying eyes?" Our flirtations had gotten bolder as the weeks passed by. But we had yet to give in to the temptation that wove itself between us, which was mostly my doing.

"No, I think your defenses will melt away once there is a sea between you and Him." He nodded towards Rollo, who was watching us just as intently as Aslaug. I laughed.

"He hasn't said one word to me. When I walk into a room, he walks out. He even crosses to the other side of the laneway to avoid me."

"Only because he was ashamed. He's been forgiven now. He wants to fight again and he's angry with me for not letting him. He's angry with me for having such power over his life. And let's be honest, you've never been able to resist him before, do you think can now?" The men were all onboard and they were all waiting for Ragnar, who didn't seem to be in a hurry.

"I don't belong to you Ragnar. My life and body are my own, to do with as I wish. I will promise you this. I will look after your family, your wife and sons. No harm will come to them. I swear my life on that. But I will not make a promise to you that I can't keep, so don't ask me to." His bright eyes became stormy but he smiled nonetheless and pulled me into his embrace.

"That is why I trust you, my little wolf." He kissed me on the top of my head before jumping into the boat next to me. I walked beside the ship to the end of the dock where I sat down on the edge of the pier and watched him disappear into the distance. I sat there until the sun began to sink. A sense of loneliness had fallen over me. There was no one here that I really knew, besides Rollo. I'd never been the best at making friends. The only friends I had had been with me since before I could remember and they were all sailing away. When you're a wanderer you don't become particularly close to anyone, nor are you expected to. But here things were different. Aslaug and Siggy would expect to get to know me, seeing as how I was so close to their husband and lover. The fact that the feelings that complicated our childhood had obviously spilled over into adulthood despite my long absence, didn't help matters.

"You should come in out of the cold." Helga's soft voice sounded from behind me as she sat down, letting her legs dangle off the edge on the dock.

"I will." I uncrossed my legs and let them dangle next to hers.

"Aslaug has invited you to have dinner in the main room with her and the family." Her voice was soft and airy, she was the perfect mate for Floki. Soft, pleasant, understanding. She was easy to be around, easy to talk to.

"Whose family?" The wind was beginning to pick up as the sun sank over the horizon.

"Her, the children, and Rollo." I rubbed my hands across my face and stared out at the spot I had last seen Ragnar's face, just like I'd done every evening for the past month and a half.

"I guess it would be rude to refuse yet again." I said getting up and stretching.

"You can't refuse this time. Rollo has commanded that you attend." Helga said the words slowly but I still asked her to repeat them.

"He commands me? Does he fancy himself an Earl now?" I asked for the third time.

"Yes, he commands you. I'm only the messenger, remember. He has the authority in Ragnar's absence. He seemed quite amused when he gave me the message." She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"We'll see how amused he is when I'm done." I jerked away and made for the longhouse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I threw both doors to the main entrance open with simultaneous bangs. Servants and several free people were milling about, they all scurried to get out of my way. I walked towards the archery hall where I found several old warriors gathered around with Rollo in the midst of them standing a head above everyone else. They all turned as I stormed into the room. The smirk on Rollo's face made me pause, it told me that I was reacting exactly how he had planned. But that didn't stop me. I spat on the ground.

"That's what I think of your commands. Ragnar might have forgiven you. He might trust you again. He might even have some respect left for you. But I haven't and I don't. " My voice was strong and unwavering, even though I was unsure and slightly shaking inside.

"Leave us." Rollo's words echoed off the walls and soon the door clicked shut and we were all alone.

"What makes you think you have any say in what I do? Whether you are in charge or not means nothing to me." I stood my ground, but kept my distance from him.

"It was Aslaug's idea. She wants to know more about you, but you keep avoiding her." He leaned back against the wall.

"She can find out whatever she wants to know from you. Or Ragnar when he returns." I crossed my arms, leveling my eyes at him.

"Are you too ashamed to dine with her? After the display you and my _brother_ put on in the weeks leading up to his departure, I don't blame you." His words gave me pause.

"Your _brother_ and I are long lost friends. We had a lot of catching up to do." His laughter made my eyes narrow in anger.

"Ragnar is a hard man to read. He has to be, considering who he is. But his feelings for you have always been transparent. Is that why you left? So your sister could have a chance at happiness, a chance to be with the only man she ever loved?"

"I left to get away from you." My voice was cold as I walked towards the door. He beat me there, standing in front of it, arms crossed over his chest, feet shoulder length apart. Looking everything like the god his family was rumored to be descended from.

The sight of him staring down at me made the breath catch in the back of my throat.

"No, be honest Ylva, with yourself at least. You were running from something you could never get away from. Your heart, and your feelings for me." He took a step forward and I stepped back.

"You know why I left." I fought the urge to keep backing up.

"Nessa thought that marriage would change me. She never loved me, she loved the thought of who I might be. You are the only one that ever truly loved me and you left me when I needed you the most." There was pain in his eyes and it felt like my heart had moved from my chest up into my neck.

"I did love you, Rollo, I always loved you. But you never felt the same. You enjoyed what I gave you because you knew you could always have it. You used me, to drive your wife away and to make your brother jealous." I spat out the words as if I could actually taste the bitterness.

"When Nessa left me. I needed you, Ylva. I wanted you, I would have married you, you know." His lips tugged into a slight smile.

"That is all in the past. We have all changed." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Have we? It doesn't seem to me as if much has changed." He reached out and I pushed his hand away.

"Everything has changed."

"Not this, Ylva." He stalked towards me as if he were hunting and I was his prey. I retreated until my back hit the wall and I had nowhere else to go. My body reacted automatically as he placed his palms against the cold stone on either side of my head, blocking any chance of escape. My hands reached up to grasp his face.

"I hate you Rollo." Venom coated my words as I looked up at him with angry tears in my eyes.

"No, you don't." He leaned down to kiss me but was caught off guard when I brought my head back and smashed it into his nose. I crossed the room and opened the door.

"You're right. I don't hate you. But I wish I did. See you at dinner." I slammed the door leaving him holding his bleeding nose and nursing his bruised ego.

* * *

Dinner time never came. I heard the commotion and panic outside when I was in the middle of dressing. I knew, without any investigation, what was going on. The panicked voices and the sounds of preparation for battle were unmistakable. I stripped my dress off and stepped into my soft elkskin pants, red blouse, and matching elkskin vest before readying myself for the coming fight. My tools were many and well made. It took years for me to acquire weapons of such caliber. They were my pride and joy and I spent many hours each morning oiling and sharpening them to ensure they were always in the best condition. I fastened my belt around my waist and sheathed my matching short swords. I strapped a dagger across the small of my back, underneath my vest and two to each ankle. The heel on each of my boots was a bit higher than normal, it made me appear taller and also concealed twin blades that were small enough to be hidden in the palm of my hand. I threw a full quiver over my shoulder, slipped my shield up my forearm and grabbed my bow with the same hand.

"Aslaug" I yelled, walking into the main hall. She was there gathering the children together and trying to keep them calm. Siggy came in from outside holding a shield and looking dejected. "You two, gather everything you can carry and head to the hills. Go! As quickly as you can. There's an abandoned farm about a three days walk to the north, just follow the stream. You will be safe there. Rollo and I will follow as soon as we can" I was surprised when they both nodded in agreement before leaving through the back door. I was expecting some sort of fight but I guess they realized the gravity of the situation, and for that, I was thankful. I grabbed a container of oil and pulled a lantern from the wall before heading outside into the frightened crowd. Rollo was up front trying to direct the terrified people. The ships were getting closer and closer. I made my way past the barricade, right up to the shoreline and began methodically placing my arrows into the oil.

"There you are." Rollo stepped up next to me as I sat my shield on the ground. "What are you doing?" He asked, our earlier argument was forgotten as we came together to protect our home.

"Let's light them up eh?" A smile spread across my face as I held an oil soaked arrow over the lanterns flame until it caught before notching it, drawing back, and aiming for the closest ships sail. I released the flaming arrow with a satisfying twang. The sail caught quickly as the flame plunged through the cloth material.

"You've been practicing." He nodded his approval.

"You haven't seen anything yet." I more sails went up in flames before the rest were lowered. They would have to row in from here on and that would buy us a little more time. My arm was a blur as I continued my assault, notching arrows as quickly as I could. My ammunition ran out just as the first boat reached the shore. I slung my bow over my shoulder and retreated behind the barrier.

"SHIELD WALL" Rollo's voice echoed over the sound of feet pounding down the docks. It wasn't long until the better trained more experienced warriors broke through the wall and divided us up for hand to hand combat. Tossing my shield to the side I drew my other short sword. I twirled one in each hand as I waited for the first man to come within striking distance, which didn't take long. I don't know how many I had struck down when I looked up and saw Rollo going straight for Borg. I began to fight my way through the crowd towards them. Borg retreated from the confrontation and I couldn't blame him. Rollo fought like a man possessed. It was beautiful and terrible to behold.

I smiled viciously as three warriors bore down on me at once. They hid behind their shields and began to close in on me. As they got closer I kicked a shield so hard the man holding it went flying backwards. The others didn't pause and another warrior filled the vacant spot immediately. One of them lowered their shield to lunge at me with the tip of his sword. I ducked and pushed his shield up, smiling as I heard the satisfying crack of his jaw breaking. My pleasure didn't last long as I felt the burning sensation of a blade slicing through my shoulder from behind. I leaned forward to get away from the weapon, simultaneously kicking my right foot back towards my attacker. I made contact with my target, but my momentum was lacking. A pair of strong hands threatened to crush my ankle as my standing leg was jerked out from underneath me. I went crashing to the ground, catching myself just before my face smashed into the rocks. Even though the wind was knocked out of me I found my feet quickly but I had yet to find my balance when the hilt of a sword was shoved into my stomach. I doubled over, still not able to take a breath. Sweat beaded my forehead and I could feel the change starting to come on. I was forced to my knees and my hair yanked back, exposing my neck. When I looked up into the eyes of my would be killer a growl rumbled deep in my throat. He paused, shock written all over his face. All I needed was that split second to reach one of my daggers. I plunged it up into his unprotected groin. The scream he let out echoed over the chaos. I sprung to my feet and silenced his cry, burying my dagger into the side of his neck. I was surrounded quickly, yet again and still winded. I struggled to take a deep breath before striking at their shields to no avail. If it had been only one or two or even three I could drop to my knee and take out their ankles, but there were too many for that. I heard his roar before he came crashing through the sea of bodies, driving his sword through one mans back with such force that half of it appeared through the mans stomach, while putting his axe through another's neck at the same time as engaging a third. The other two warriors dropped their shields for a split second and I saw my chance. My swords found their necks easily and sliced through effortlessly.

"Thanks." I said, taking a second to catch my breath.

"We must retreat, there are too many." Rollo was right and I nodded my agreement. So we all retreated. It quickly became apparent that we were fighting a losing battle and we were devastatingly outnumbered. I grabbed a spare quiver and notched an arrow, waiting for Borgs army to round the corner. As soon as they did I let loose then notched again, and again, and again. We were hemmed in and Borg took the opportunity to try and negotiate.

"Ylva." Rollo reached out and pulled me into the small stable. "We have to go."

"And leave these people?" I motioned behind me.

"I don't like it any more than you do." His voice was low and urgent. "Borg will take Kattegat. We can't stop him, and we can't give him anything else to bargain with, not you, not me." I notched an arrow. "What are you doing?"

"Getting one more shot before we leave." I rounded the corner and put an arrow through the neck of the man standing next to Borg before turning around and following Rollo towards the hills.

"Why did you do that?" He asked as we jogged towards the stream to obscure our tracks.

"I wanted there to be one less of them before we left." I said with a shrug.

"You were aiming for Borg weren't you?" He asked

"What can I say? I can't be spot on every time." We laughed together as we sprinted towards the trees, even though we were covered in blood and had just lost our home to an invading army.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter contains graphic scenes of a violent and sexual nature.**

 **Chapter Four**

"We'll catch up with the others within the hour." I said, checking the ground for recent tracks as we paused by the stream to catch our breath and have a drink. I bent down and splashed water onto my shoulder as best I could. Rollo knelt down beside me and I moved to get up.

"Just sit still. I'm only wrapping your shoulder." His hands worked deftly as he tore a long strip from his shirt and wrapped it tightly around my wound.

"Thank you." I kept my eyes on the steady stream of water gushing by.

"You won't be thanking me later. It's deep and needs to be sealed." We walked along the stream for half an hour more before we caught site of the others. The journey to the farm was hard and uneventful. We were all sullen and quiet, stewing in our mutual hatred for the situation. My shoulder ached with every step I took but I kept it to myself. By the time we reached the cabin a putrid smell was coming from underneath my bandage even though I had cleaned it every chance I got. It should have been sealed earlier.

"How bad is it?" I asked, looking back at Rollo, his face was impassive as he cut away my shirt. To his credit he barely even grimaced as the material fell away, exposing the ruined flesh that was my back. Siggy and Aslaug weren't nearly as good at keeping their composure. Aslaug quickly ushered the children into another room and didn't return. Siggy stayed but her horrified expression made me wish she'd leave as well.

"I've seen worse." Rollo said, heating his knife in the fire, not commenting on anything but my current injury. For that, I was grateful. "I'll have to cut away the dead flesh. Siggy, I'll need ale."

"Do you think it wise to drink now?" the exasperation in her voice was telling.

"It's not for him." I knocked the cup she offered me aside and reached for the jug.

"Are you ready?" He asked after I'd gulped down half of it of the jug's contents.

"Do it." I clenched my teeth and tried to breath through the pain. Each tug was excruciating but he finally finished and picked up the red hot blade that would seal my wound. I heard the sizzle before I felt the burn. My scream was cut short as I began to pass out from the pain and the fever that had gripped me for the past two days. The room faded to black slowly as I struggled to stay conscious.

"No." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"It's alright, Ylva, rest now." I felt Rollo's hand stroking my head and my last effort before succumbing to the darkness was to jerk my head away from his big paw.

* * *

The dungeon was scarcely furnished, nothing but chains hanging from the ceiling, a low fire in the middle of the room, and dozens of racks with every torturous instrument that you can imagine. The air was cold, so cold I could see my breath in front of my face. The first time I was brought down here I hated the permanent chill, but now I was thankful for it. It numbed my skin to a degree and that made my punishment easier to bare.

"You know what I think?" His deep voice vibrated through the stillness. I could hardly breath through the gag in my mouth, much less answer his question. But in the last year I'd learned that he never asked questions that he actually wanted answered.

"I think you like this. My other pets only needed two, maybe three sessions in here before they learned their place." He circled me slowly, dragging his whip lazily behind him. It was his pride and joy, a whip with five tails and connected to the end of one of those tails was a small jagged piece of metal. Occasionally I felt a tiny bit of my smooth flesh being ripped away. It was excruciating, unlike anything I'd ever imagined. My arms were separated and chained to the ceiling so tightly that my toes barely touch the ground. The blood from my latest flogging dripped down the back of my legs and pooled at my feet, making it hard for me to find purchase on the slippery stone floor.

"This is your tenth time down here. I can't say that your disobedience doesn't give me a small measure of amusement." I felt the whip bite into my back before I heard the crack echo through the room.

"If you try to escape again my little pup, I will flay your back to the bone, whether it kills you or not." Three more strikes with the whip followed. My vision was narrowing as the pain increased. Maybe there would be no next time, maybe this was the last time. Maybe I would finally die from his abuse.

"Shhh" He whispered in my ear, trying to calm my sobs as he gently stroked my hair. "You have so much spirit, so much fight... when I finally break you, it will all belong to me." He pulled the gag out of my mouth so he could hear my screams as he sodomized me. The passing of time was hard to calculate. After my last punishment, when I was finally brought back upstairs, it had been a full week. This time, it was almost three. Three weeks of constant pain.

* * *

I woke up thrashing around in the bed. The fire was burning low and the air was freezing but I was boiling hot. I could hear low voices coming from the other room and my hand went automatically to my throat. I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt the naked, smooth skin. It took me several minutes to work out that I had finally come home.

"Ragnar." My voice was gritty and barely audible to my own ears. But the others heard me stir from the next room and soon I heard footsteps coming my way.

"Ragnar, please." I called out, trying to rid myself of the memories that had been brought to the forefront of my mind.

"He isn't here, Ylva. He will be though, very soon." Aslaug knelt by my bed and her touch was surprisingly gentle as she bathed my head with a cool cloth.

"Please." I groaned.

"Here." Rollo said, holding a cup to my mouth. I took a sip then turned my head and spewed up onto the floor.

"Please, make it stop." I moaned into my pillow.

"You must drink, drink it all and keep it down." Rollo held my head steady as I began to shake uncontrollably. I did as he asked because I knew that I had to get better, to think clearly, and to live.

"Ragnar, where is Ragnar?" I asked, reaching out to grasp Rollo's shirt.

"What's wrong Ylva, are you in pain?" He asked.

"No. _Please_ just make it stop. No more." I grasped his hand and felt a strange sensation fall over me as I was pulled back down into the darkness.

* * *

"Look at that, it's beautiful." I stood before the mirror wearing nothing but a metal collar around my neck. It was so tight that if I were to shift into wolf form it would choke me in a matter of minutes. But I was grateful for it, it meant that I didn't have to spend every minute inside the tiny cage that he kept his pets in until they earned the right to be collared. I had been with Sir for over three years now and while escaping was still my number one priority, it tended to get lost in the day to day monotony of life at Sir's Manor. That was the only name I knew him by. All of his other pets, both male and female called him Sir. I had balked against it at first, refusing to say it. I called him Cunt instead. When we finally moved from "Fuck you Cunt" to "Fuck you Sir" it was a momentous occasion.

The day I was collared was the day I received one of the worst beatings of my life. Sir was having a dinner party and had neglected to tell me that I was free game for any and all of his friends. When I was serving wine to the guests one minute and feeling a hand between my legs the next, I simply reacted. The culprit escaped with a broken rib and a black eye. I would say that I was lenient. But Sir saw it differently. It was a test and I had failed miserably. He took it as a personal insult. So he chained me up in the middle of the dining hall, in front of everyone, and whipped me until I couldn't remember a time when pain wasn't a constant factor in my life. After that, he left me there for three days and let it be known to everyone that I was free for the taking. My body was his to do with as he saw fit. He could give it away or keep it for himself, whatever he desired.

* * *

The next time I woke up, things were clearer, easier for me to focus on. It was the middle of the night and the fire had burned down. A shadow sat in a chair next to my bed, slumped over and breathing heavily. I rolled onto my back and winced slightly at the pain from my injured shoulder.

"Ylva." Ragna woke the moment I moved. His voice surrounded me like a warm blanket. "Don't lay back on your shoulder, love. The bandage was removed to let the wound breath." His hands were gentle and warm as he reached out to help me turn back over onto my stomach. I was stiff from laying in the bed for so long.

"When did you get back?" My voice was gritty and harsh from the lack of use

"Yesterday. You've been out for nearly a month. Rollo thought you were going to lose your arm or worse." He pulled his chair right up next to the bed and rested his hand on top of mine.

"At one point, I thought I would never wake up." I nodded my thanks when he passed me a horn of water.

"A few more weeks and it will be healed. The god's have favoured you." He refilled my horn and placed it on the table within reaching distance.

"What gods?" I said with a snort.

"You don't believe in the God's?" The curiosity was written all over his face.

"There are no God's, Ragnar. Only us." I took a deep breath and stared at the wall. "Will you put my bandage on? I want to lay on my back."

"Rollo said you fought like a beast, he'd never seen anything like it." He got up and lit the candle by my bed. I shivered as he pulled the blanket down my back. He worked quickly and silently. I started to roll over when he finished, but he placed a hand on my back gently holding me in place.

"Ragnar." My voice was uneasy.

"Is this the complication you spoke of?" His face looked hard and harsh, even in the soft light of the candle.

"Yes." My voice was void of emotion as I stared at the wall while he examined my back.

"This is what kept you away for so long?" I jumped slightly as his fingertips slowly traced the puckered flesh.

"Yes." I didn't move or protest as he walked around the bed and laid down next to me, never lifting his fingers from my back.

"Who did this?" The warmth of his body spread rapidly and I inched closer to him.

"Sir was the only name we knew him by." I stared intently at the same spot on the wall.

"We?" I was becoming used to the sensation of his fingers running up and down my spine.

"There were others. He was a collector. Mostly shifters, like myself. When he tired of one of his pets he cut their head off and mounted it. The walls of the dungeon were lined with them, in both animal and human form." I took a deep shaky breath as my voice trailed off.

"Tell me, Ylva." There was the hint of a command in his voice, an edge I wasn't prepared to cross.

"Everything?" I asked.

"Everything." So I did.

"Food was scarce at times, so I would often hunt as a wolf to keep myself alive and well feed. I heard the arrow whistling through the air, but it pierced my flesh before I had a chance to move. The poison on the tip made me sleep for days. When I finally woke, I spent the next seven years wishing that arrow had pierced my heart. My arms were shackled to the roof. He left my legs free at first, not anticipating me using my them as a weapon. I nearly escaped because of his negligence. I paid dearly for that, though. When I wasn't hanging in the dungeon he kept me in a tiny cage in the cellar with his hunting dogs. He kept me there for three years until he trusted me enough to let me roam freely through the house. He put a collar around my neck to keep me from shifting. No matter what I did, I still found myself in the dungeon for the slightest offenses. He said I was his favorite, his greatest challenge so far." I took a deep breath and reached for the jug of ale sitting on the table.

"He could never break you." The smile in Ragnar's voice made my heart physically ache.

"Not in the way he intended, but there's more than one way to break a person. He made me enjoy it, Ragnar." I slowly pushed myself off the bed and stood on my wobbly legs. "Even when my back was opened and bleeding, he forced me to scream out in pleasure as he took me again, and again, and again. He gave me to his friends to use as they wished. For seven years I belonged to him. I didn't eat, sleep, or piss without his permission. I relied on him for everything, and he took great enjoyment in reminding me of the fact that it was only by his wish that I was allowed to draw breath." I slowly paced the length of the room.

"Ylva." Ragnar's voice was ragged with emotion and there was no hint of a smile as he put his feet on the floor and started to rise.

"You wanted to hear this, so you will sit there and listen." I placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him seated, wincing at the pain that shot up my arm as I did so. He reached out and pulled me down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me as tightly as he dared.

"We have plenty of time for you to finish. But now, you need to rest." He placed me back in bed, pulled the covers up and sat back in his chair.

"You don't have to sleep in that chair, you know." I yawned as my eyes began to get heavier.

"I know." His smile lit up his whole face. "I can always go to bed with my wife."

"There's plenty of room here, for you to sleep." I emphasised the sleep part.

"I would never take advantage of you when you're injured, Ylva." He pulled his shirt off, flexing his muscles as he did, before sitting down to take off his boots.

"Even if I asked you too?" He climbed on top of me, careful to keep his weight off of my shoulder as he slowly lowered himself down with one arm, while pulling me up towards him with the other. He bent his head down and buried his face in the side of my neck, taking a deep breath to inhale the scent of my hair.

"Don't tempt me." He rolled onto the other side of the bed and reached over me to put out the candle.

"What are you going to do about Borg?" I asked into the darkness.

"We'll figure that out tomorrow. Sleep now, Ylva." He threw his arm over me and pulled me closer. I fell asleep almost instantly


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

My arm was still stiff and sore, but I bit down and concentrated, not thinking about the pain as Rollo put me through my paces. This was only my second practice session and I knew it would get worse before it got better. It would take time and patience before I was back to a suitable fighting condition. I let out a grunt each time our swords collided. He wasn't taking it easy on me and I appreciated that, but the pain was beginning to piss me off. I began to meet his blade with more force.

"Easy, there." He said, seeing the effort it was causing me. I ignored him as I pressed forward, forcing him back and dodging his attempts to strike me. He gave way and smiled, letting me exert all the energy I wanted. I heard the beat of hooves approaching over the loud clang of our blades meeting. I paused mid swing at the sight of soldiers approaching, a lot of soldiers. I swore as the flat of Rollo's blade made contact with my shoulder. He laughed and barely budged as I shoved him with my good arm, which wasn't my strong arm, but he was such a mountain that I didn't think it would matter much which arm I used.

"Soldiers." I motioned towards the advancing column.

"Ragnar" He called out, the smile instantly vanishing from his face as he turned towards the cabin.

"Wait!" I reached out and grabbed his arm, as I squinted into the distance. I caught the unmistakable shine of the the sun reflecting off a head full of long golden hair. I could feel her energy pulsing, calling out to me across the distance. Her strong, sure, loving, tender, soul was as familiar to me as my own.

"It's Lagertha!" I wouldn't have been able to hide my excitement if I'd wanted to. I squeezed his arm and couldn't stop myself from jumping up and down. He laughed and caught me mid jump.

"What are you waiting for?" I had neither the time nor the inclination to contemplate the look in his eyes as he gazed down at me. I needed no more encouragement than that. Turning on my heels, I took off running towards the approaching party. My shoulder screamed as I pumped my arms faster and faster, but it hardly even registered.

"YLVA!" My sister's voice seemed to fill the open field as she kicked her horse into a gallop.

"LAGERTHA" I ran faster as she quickly approached, jumping from her horse while it was still at full gallop and landing on her feet to run the rest of the way into my arms. I was the younger sister but I'd always been taller than her by nearly a head, so I picked her up and twirled her around like I used to do when we were children.

"My sister, my baby sister." Her voice cracked and I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.

"Oh, Lagertha. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be gone for so long." My throat burned, making it hard for me to speak.

"I thought I'd never see you again." She pulled back and held me at arm's length. "Don't you ever do that to me, Ylva, never again." She shook my shoulders and I howled in pain.

"Easy there, she's injured." Ragnar stood back, looking not at Lagertha, but past her at the tall, muscular boy that stood behind her. This had to be Bjorn, he was an impressive mixture of all of us, his fathers features, his mothers hair, Rollo's stature, and my eyes. I wouldn't wish any of our personalities on the boy though. Hopefully he'd be better than all of us, smarter, and not so prone to give into temptations and rash decisions. Lagertha and I stood to the side so that Ragnar and Bjorn could have a proper reunion. The love between the father and son was so strong, I could actually see the air vibrating around them, it was beautiful.

* * *

I was always jealous of my sister when we were younger. She was older, smarter, prettier. She could fight better than any of us and her ferocity could be terrifying at times. It wasn't hard for me to see why Rollo loved her, nearly all of the boys in the village loved her. It wasn't just because of her beauty, brawn, or brains, and believe me she had all three, but it was her kind heart that endeared her to so many. I loved her, I looked up to her, I tried so hard to be like her, but I always failed.

I opened my eyes to find my sisters face less than an inch from mine. Her crystal blue eyes were stormy and I wondered briefly who'd pissed her off so early in the morning.

"What are you doing?" My voice was dry from sleep. She tilted her head to the side, looking at me quizzically before punching me right in the face. The salty taste of blood filled my mouth and my head began to pound from bouncing off the stone wall.

"That is my question for you, sister." She climbed on top of me and and grabbed the collar of my shirt, lifting me up slightly. "What are you doing?" She asked, her nose early touching mine.

"Get off me." I tried swinging at her but she pinned my arms down.

"Is it true?" Her face was as hard as stone. "Tell me, Ylva. Did you sleep with Rollo?" I took a deep breath and stopped struggling.

"Did Ragnar tell you this?" It had to have been him, no one else knows.

"Is it true?" The words hissed through her teeth and I knew I was about to cop it.

"Yes, it's true." I averted my eyes, not wanting to see the accusation in her gaze.

"Nessa is my best friend in this world and you slept with her husband on their wedding night? How can you be my sister?" She pushed me back into the bed before getting up pacing the room.

"I'm sorry Lagertha." I wiped my mouth with the sheet and it came away stained with my blood.

"Rollo? Out of all the boys in the village you chose Rollo Lothbrok?" Her nose wrinkled in disgust.

"I've always loved him, you know that." I sat up in bed and crossed my legs.

"I don't know why. After he got Nessa pregnant, do you know what he said to her father? 'I bet it's not even mine.' His father had to more or less force him to marry her and then, on their wedding night he's mounting you in the stables, and nearly every other night after that if the rumors are to be trusted." She was working herself up again and if she threw another punch I was going to hit her right back this time.

"Rumors are never to be trusted, usually." I rolled my eyes, hating the fact that I couldn't outright deny everything she was saying. She'd see right through a lie and then she'd be even more angry with me.

"How can you put me in this position Ylva? Ever since she lost the baby Nessa has talked about nothing but giving Rollo a son. She comes to me crying about him never being in her bed. She's unhappy and she's talking about leaving him. But I guess that would be good news for you?" When I was silent she continued. "How can I tell her that my baby sister is the whore we sit around cursing?"

"I'm not a whore and you can tell Nessa that she got what she married, he's hasn't changed a bit and he never will." I reached up to touch the bump that was forming on the back of my head.

"Exactly, sister, he is who he is and he will never change. Not for her, not for you." She sat down beside me and rested her hands on my knees.

"He'd change for you." My vision blurred as hot tears began to pool in my eyes.

"That doesn't matter, Ylva, we'll never know. Even if I did have feelings for him I would never even consider it because whether I like it or not, for some insane reason, you love him and you are my sister. I put your feelings above that of any boy." She hugged me then and I hugged her back. Her lack of feelings for Rollo would never change his. I would always be his second choice and my pride wouldn't be able to handle that for very long. A big heavy ball of guilt began to form in the pit of my stomach, we couldn't keep this up. It was hurting too many people. We'd have to talk very soon, but first I had to go kill Ragnar.

* * *

Ragnar's plan was simple and brilliant and it went off without a hitch. We didn't have to fight a battle, there were few casualties and we were back in Kattegat within a week. The winter stores had been burned, but we would make do. We had a roof over our heads, a warm fire in front of us, and all the ale and wine we could drink. Plus, for the first time in a very long time, we all had each other. Everyone indulged a bit too much that first night back. Lagertha and Aslaug were getting along swimmingly and I could see the delight in Ragnar's eyes as he watched them. You didn't have to be an empath to know what he was hoping for and as the night wore on it seem like more and more of a possibility. I watched them, but not with jealousy. I was a bit sad. I'd missed my sister terribly and now that I was here with her, I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth about why I hadn't come home. She would never forgive herself for not looking for me. She would hate herself for not knowing that I was in trouble.

"It's okay to have some fun." Ragnar said, sitting on the bench beside me.

"I am having fun." I gave him a sad excuse for a smile.

"I hope the night treats you well, Ylva. We're getting ready to retire." He smiled across the room and raised his glass.

"Aslaug and Lagertha, you truly are blessed by the God's Ragnar Lothbrok." My smile was genuine as I laughed at his excitement.

"I would ask you to join us, but I'm afraid your big sister would cut off my balls." He winked at me.

"Yes, she would. And I wouldn't want anything like that to happen, not before I get a chance to sample for myself." The wine made my tongue loose and his smiled widened at my cheek.

"I hope you know that I'll hold you to that statement, little wolf." He placed his hand on my shoulder and massaged gently.

"I'm sure you will." I reached up to squeeze his fingers. "But, not tonight. Go, have fun." He glanced back at me as he led both his wife and ex wife towards his bedroom. I looked over to see Rollo staring at me, we smiled and shook our heads as if we were in on a joke that no one else heard.

I decided to take Ragnar's advice and have some fun. So, I grabbed a full jug of ale from the table and sauntered over to where Rollo sat in the corner alone, scanning the room. He watched me intently as I approached, a smile playing at his lips. His breath tickled the back of my neck as I leaned over to refill his empty cup.

"What game is this?" He asked, placing his hand on my waist as I straightened up.

"There is no game, only fun between old friends." I turned to face him, resting my hands on his shoulders.

"After a distraction are you?" He pulled me towards his lap.

"It's not a distraction I'm after, it's pleasure." I lifted one of my legs over his and sat astride him.

"I can offer you both." He grasped my bum with both hands and kneaded gently.

"I'm sure you can." He met my lips as I leaned down to kiss him. It felt as if a bolt of lightning surged through my body when our lips met. He kissed me softly and slowly as if we had all of time in the world. His hand moved up to grasp the back of my neck and he pulled me closer as he deepened the kiss. I moaned low in my throat and he pulled away.

"Who's using who now?" He said, staring at my lips.

"Ragnar isn't here, I'm not trying to make him jealous." His gaze moved from my lips to my chest.

"I don't really care if you are. I don't care about your feelings for my brother, and I care even less about his feelings for you." His hand moved up to cup my breast.

"You don't care about anything, Rollo." I picked up his horn of ale and took a big gulp.

"That's not true." He ran his hands across the base of my spine causing me to arch my back. The sudden breath I inhaled hissed between my teeth as he shifted his hips, pressing the bulge in his pants against me, making my desire for him grow rapidly.

"Yes, it is true." I rocked my hips back and forth eliciting a small groan from him.

"I care about you, Ylva, and giving you want you want." I threw my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist as he stood up and walked towards my room.

"Right now, I want you." I whispered into his ear as he kicked my door open, tossing me onto the bed before kicking it shut again.

"That's exactly what I'm going to give you." We shed our clothes and he knelt between my legs, a sigh of pure ecstasy escaped my lips as he entered me. He started off slowly, agonizingly slow as he withdrew himself inch by inch, taking his time, coaxing me to orgasm. It seemed as if his mouth was everywhere, my lips, my neck, he traced the folds of my ear with his tongue, sending shivers all the way down to my toes. I called out his name as I felt my pleasure building.

"Now, you are truly home." He whispered in my ear as I grasped his shoulders. I felt myself convulsing around him as he buried himself deep within me. I could never deny the connection that we had. He was the only man I'd ever willingly been with. He knew me inside and out, even after all of these years. The sun was high in the sky when we finally fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

"Good girls get treats." Sir lead me into his room where a wooden tub had been filled with warm soapy water. He knelt down and unhooked my leash. He liked to parade his pets around his dinner parties on our hands and knees. This was my first appearance since the disaster last month when I forgot my place. Before the guests arrived he hand picked a pet to kneel in front of each chair, hidden beneath the tablecloth. We were to pleasure our guest throughout dinner and accompany them back to their rooms for the night. Sir didn't quite trust me yet, so I was placed in front of his chair. I did everything I was supposed to do, everything he had trained me to do. I anticipated his every want and desire. I aimed to please him. I wanted to please him, because not pleasing him wasn't getting me anywhere. I had to be smarter about this. I wouldn't try to escape again. I wouldn't even think about it. I would stay here, be what he wanted me to be and bid my time.

"Thank you Sir." I said as I slide down into the water. He undressed and joined me. I picked up the soap and began to slowly wash him.

"Isn't this better than the dungeon." He asked, turning me around and washing my hair.

"Mmm, yes, Sir." I said, arching my back and shifting myself so that I was positioned just above his erection.

"Is that what you want? Hm?" I could hear the smile in his voice as his breath tickled my ear, sending shivers down my spine as he slowly rubbed his tip up and down my opening. I was silent as I stared at the wall. "Tell me." His voice changed from sensual to domineering in the fraction of a second.

"Yes, that's what I want." My voice was heavy with emotion, fear and desire warring with each other deep within my soul. "I want you, Sir, please." I squeezed my eyes shut as desire won out and he entered me with one smooth thrust. I cried out as my pleasure erupted, gripping the edges of the tub as he kept thrusting, bringing me to climax again and again. When he was finished, he clicked my leash back onto my collar and tied one end to the bedpost. He took me one more time before he was ready for sleep, snapping his fingers to signal that he was done with me. I laid on the floor next to the bed, my knees pulled tightly against my chest with only a small, thin blanket to protect me from the cold. I stared blankly out the window with silent tears streaming down my face, whispering Ragnar's name to myself over and over again.

* * *

It was my own tears that woke me. My cheeks were wet and the room echoed with a scream that had recently escaped my lips. Rollo was holding me close and glaring up at the ceiling. I looked up at him but his gaze didn't waver. His grip on me tightened as I tried to pull away.

"I'm not good with this sort of thing Ylva." His voice was strained.

"I know." I relaxed in his arms.

"Someone hurt you badly and for a long time, you're safe here with me, and with Ragnar. No one will ever hurt you again." His hand ran up and down my arm.

"I know, Rollo." My stomach twisted as I said the words. It wasn't that I didn't believe him, he just didn't understand that feeling safe wasn't as simple as that. The loud pounding on the door made me jump but Rollo's arm kept me firmly in place.

"It's me." My sister's familiar voice called out as she burst into the room.

"God's Lagertha, where's the fire?" I asked, taking in her sense of urgency.

"Well, I must say, this isn't surprising." She shifted her gaze from Rollo to me. I rolled my eyes at her pointed look.

"What can we do for you Lagertha? As you can see, we're a bit busy." The impatience in his voice surprised me.

"I heard Ylva scream." She said, narrowing her eyes as she took a step towards the bed.

"If I have my way, you'll hear more of the same before the morning is through." She smirked at his roguish smile.

"It was only a bad dream." I said, trying to intervene before an argument broke out.

"Is everything alright in here?" Ragnar stopped in the doorway, his expression was unreadable as he took in the scene.

"YES, for the sake of the God's, everything is fine." I could feel my fragile grip on my temper wavering.

"Get dressed, Rollo, Floki needs our help in the shipyard." Ragnar turned around abruptly and left, ignoring my outburst.

"The Earl beckons." He gave my arm a pat before throwing off the covers and standing up. Lagertha crossed her arms and rolled her eyes as he walked across the room completely naked to retrieve his clothes. When the door shut behind him the silence seemed to echo off the walls.

"Let's have it then, time for the lecture." I sat up in bed, crossing my arms as well.

"No lecture. You are a grown woman and can make your own decisions. I don't think he's good enough for you, but at least he isn't married this time." She sat down on the bed and stared at her hands. I recognized the sorrow that fell over her face. It was all too familiar, the sadness poured off of her in waves.

"Lagertha, what troubles you?" I placed my hand over hers and she grasped it tightly.

"I've come to say goodbye. It's time for me to go home." Her eyes filled with tears.

"I'll come with you. We need more time together." I wiped away the tear that fell onto her cheek.

"No, sister. My husband isn't the best sort of man. I don't want you exposed to the likes of him." She squeezed my hand.

"Dear Lagertha, if only you knew." I whispered.

"If I only knew what?" It felt as if she would crush my hand she was holding on so tightly.

"We'll save that for another time. Tell me, are you safe?" I asked, taking the focus off of me.

"Believe me, sister, it's nothing I can't handle." Her smile was ferocious and I knew in that moment that she was prepared to kill this man if need be. Good.

"So, you, Ragnar, and Aslaug? That was surprising." I laughed as her cheeks reddened.

"I was very drunk." She dismissed the question with a wave of her hand.

"I'm sure he woke up a happy man." I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"He did, right up until he saw Rollo in your bed." Her eyes seemed to peer right into my soul.

"You know Ragnar, he's always wanted what was just out of his reach." I shrugged, brushing off the accusation in her voice.

"You and Ragnar have never?" She asked.

"Nope, not even once." I said with a shake of my head.

"Hm, I wonder how long that will last."

"What do you think I am? A whore?" I gave her a playful shove.

"Just be careful, Sister." Her smiled faded as she stood up.

"I'm always careful." I smiled up at her serious expression.

"Things have always been rocky between those two. If you still love Rollo, be with him. If you want to explore things with Ragnar, feel free to do that. Just be careful, they've never played well together and the definitely don't share."

Her words stayed with me long after her horse had disappeared over the horizon. She was right but it wasn't an easy decision to make and I certainly didn't want to make it anytime soon.

* * *

It had been six months since Ragnar retook his earldom and life had settled into a comfortable pace. Rollo was keeping his distance and I was fairly certain that Siggy had something to do with that. She had taken to ignoring me even when I spoke to her directly, which wasn't very often. I had barely said two words to him in the past few months. He obviously had made his decision and I would respect it. I wasn't a little girl anymore and I wouldn't chase after him. I had more important things to concentrate on, like training. I rose every morning before the sun, to greet the day with a sword in each hand. The salty spray of the sea coated my lips as I put myself through my exercises at a very slow pace. The deep breathing and slow movement helped build strength and control. Later I would practice in the yard with the other men and shield women at a much faster clip, building endurance.

"Slow down Bjorn. There is no need to rush. The slower you go the stronger you get." My nephew had been curious about my methods and impressed with my fighting style. So he had been joining me for these early morning sessions for the past five months.

"Listen to her boy. She is a good fighter." Ragnar sat in the same spot every morning, watching us. He had barely taken his eyes off me since Lagertha left. Sometimes I would wake in the middle of the night to find him sitting in my room, watching me sleep. I was always grateful that he was there because the nightmares never went away. But, I was beginning to wish I had kept most of my past to myself. There was an anger brewing inside of him. It wasn't good and I knew it was because of what I'd told him.

"Just good?" I said with a smirk.

"You will be great when you can disarm me." I couldn't resist the challenge in his voice.

"Here." I said, tossing him my practice sword. He caught it and twirled it expertly in his hand.

"This is hardly fair. Where is your weapon?" He advanced and lazily lunged at me. I dodged just as lazily, a wicked grin spreading across my face.

"I don't need one." He lunged again with a bit more energy, keeping his weight on his back foot. This time I was ready and dropped to the ground, snaking my long leg out, hooking his ankle with my foot and jerking him off balance all in one fluid motion. I wasted no time in getting to my feet. Stepping on the wrist of his sword hand, I reached down and pressed hard on the point of pressure I had been told would make the biggest, strongest man drop his weapon. A stunned Bjorn began laughing his head off as I took my sword back, twirling it expertly as I sauntered away.

"I stand corrected." He said, getting up and dusting himself off, looking a bit sullen.

"You didn't take me seriously." I shrugged as I clapped Bjorn on the back and handed him the practice swords to put away.

"I've always taken you seriously." He fell into step beside me.

"I know you have, and I thank you for that." We walked along the beach in a compatible silence as the sun rose the rest of way into the sky.

"Tell me, Ylva, do you remember the location of this Manor you were held in?" I was not expecting that question and it caught me off guard. I stopped in mid step and turned to face him.

"What? Why?" I asked, wondering if I'd heard correctly.

"We have nearly a year before we go west once again . We could take a small raiding party, you and I. You could have your revenge." My heart was pounding so hard I thought he could hear it.

"I.." The thought of seeing Sir again, even with Ragnar by my side filled me with a terror like I'd never known.

"It's okay, little wolf. It is your decision. But you know that eventually it will have to be done and if you don't want to do it, I gladly will." I started walking again, trying to sort out my tumbling thoughts. Ragnar retreated to give me some time to myself. I was in a daze for the rest of the day, lost in my thoughts and feelings, lost in the past. I sat idly by and watched the others practice without really seeing any of it. It's not like I hadn't thought about getting revenge. I'd dreamed of it since I woke up chained to his ceiling. I spent years thinking of everything I would do to him if I could, if our positions were reversed. It wouldn't be difficult to launch a raid on the Manor. The wall would be easy enough to scale and his only protection was his hunting dogs. But he was a cautious man, and since my escape he would have increased his security. It would be nothing we couldn't handle. Ragnar kept his distance, giving me space and letting me make my decision. I retired early and laid in my bed, looking up at the ceiling until sleep claimed my mind.


End file.
